Guilt

When I lived in Boston I had a very hard time adjusting. While the physical environs were lovely, I found it socially difficult to move around in ways that I was accustomed. It was then that I began practicing yoga. To this day, it continues to be one of the few activities that can calm my anxiety and clear my head. When I moved back to NJ in 2005, I searched for a local studio where I could continue my Iyengar practice.

I tried several places before settling on Starseed Yoga in Montclair, NJ. I loved everything about it. The class schedule was convenient and the staff were careful to re-direct me into a more deep and personal practice. During fall 2008, the studio announced that it's founder JyothiMa was ill. During this season there were a series of events in her honor and to raise funds. I, along with a former colleague, began working on a special quilt to donate towards the effort.

Here it is laid out and un-seamed...

Using batiks in the colors of the chakras, Edna and I began working on Jyothi's quilt. Unfortunately, life got in the way and I never finished it. I has lived on my "things to do" list for months now. Sadly it is pinned and ready for me to finish the piecing. Sadly, it was announced yesterday that Jyothi passed on Saturday.

For many minutes, I was speechless. I was overwhelmed with a sense of guilt in setting out to do something and not finishing it.

I called Edna late last night. After we caught up with each other, I made arrangements to pick up the remnants of the quilt to be finished...soon.

I am sure there are many opportunities for lessons here. Perhaps a lesson for one to not over-commit, to schedule and honor down time, to be diligent and finish what one starts. The lesson I choose is one of acceptance. I took on this endeavor in the purest of spirits and life altered my plans. I can feel guilty about that altered path or I can accept it and move on. I choose acceptance. ~ksp